By Stacy Turner

Talking about ideas, thoughts and feelings can be difficult, whether you’re a child, a teen, or even a full-grown human.  People require time and space to process what’s going on inside, and then to choose the right words that best convey their thoughts or ideas.  In the rush of busy schedules, and the hectic pace of the coming holiday season, it can be hard to grant time or space to really hear what’s being said.

For young people, the words they choose to share have power, giving meaning to sometimes messy feelings, even when limited vocabulary or life experiences give them few examples to draw from.  Often, their unconventional descriptions have a way of cutting straight to the heart of the matter at hand, leaving little room for misunderstanding. 

My older daughter, when asked to describe her first day as the new kid at school put it to me this way.  “It felt like I was trapped all day in a room full of farts.”  Yikes!  Sure, that mental image made us giggle, but it also highlighted her feelings of being alone and out of place, stuck in an unpleasant situation.  I’m happy to report that although day one wasn’t exactly stellar, she grew to love her new school and the friends she made there.  Perhaps her ability to share those uncomfortable feelings helped her work through them and move on to the better times that were to come.

My younger daughter is also adept at using unusual verbal images to make her point.  Recently, while we were talking about where she might go to do homework after school and before an activity, I suggested the nearby public library.  She quickly ruled out the dated, unwelcoming building, telling me that going inside “feels like a toothache.”  She decided to visit the local coffee shop instead, favoring the natural light, non-musty atmosphere, and the availability of caffeine to get her homework done that day.

Even as an adult with a college degree and a supposed better grasp on vocabulary, I often find myself resorting to the same technique of using visuals to relay my thoughts or feelings.  Like when I’m feeling unwell, but not sick enough to stay in bed.  Sometimes a long hot shower is enough to rid myself of that thick-headed feeling.  And a serious dose of Crest gets rid of the tiny sweaters all my teeth seem to be sporting.  Sure, it may be a silly example, but I bet it got the point across and helped you understand what I’m trying to say. 

Who knows, maybe making unorthodox descriptions is hereditary, but I think this skill is something we each use from time to time when trying to share a thought or idea out loud with someone else, to try and help them understand. Isn’t that what we all hope for – to be heard and understood?

As the falling leaves signal the change of season, we’ll each have opportunities to gather with friends and family of varying ideologies and viewpoints.  Maybe instead of walking into those exchanges with preconceived notions, we choose to take a breath and listen first.  And maybe that extra effort will help us better understand what it is that they’re trying to share.