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Today's Family Magazine

MOMMY CHRONICLES: Grief and joy go together

By Stacy Turner

Recently it’s occurred to me that grief and joy, emotions that seem like polar opposites, are actually like two sides of the same coin.  When a wife loses her loving partner without warning, or a child is given a terminal diagnosis, grief comes crashing in.  When kids lose a loving parent, or an elderly one we love is suddenly gone, grief can feel raw and joy seems non-existent.  But even in the midst of our grief, joy is there too, tempering our pain with loving memories.

I was reminded of this while attending calling hours for the dad of one of my daughter’s closest friends.  The sudden shock of the unexpected loss sent waves of grief through his close-knit community.  The strength the immediate family members each displayed as they spoke with those offering condolences was admirable.  Even in the middle of this difficult day, laughter bubbled up in small groups as they shared stories of their father, husband, and friend.  Those gathered could savor the memories of vacations, holidays, births, and the regular moments of a life cut short yet filled with tremendous love and laughter. 

It’s the incredible joy we share with our loved ones that makes our grief at their loss so intense.  And although grief and joy are often viewed as opposing forces, it seems that without a firm understanding of one, the other can’t be fully realized. In that way, both grief and joy in turn give us the ability to know the other in a much deeper sense. 

Joy according to dictionary.com is “the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation.”  Grief, on the flip side, is defined by Merriam-Webster as “very great sadness, especially at the death of someone.” 

There’s no denying that death and grief are part of all our lives.  Lucky for us, so is joy.  But during a season of grief, it’s normal to feel lost, weak, angry, and alone; such are a few of the raw emotions that can be triggered.  It’s natural – and human – to want to avoid that pain.  But if it was possible to just turn off our grief like flipping a switch, then our joy would be diminished, as well.  Without the pain of our grief, we wouldn’t recognize extraordinary joy when it comes our way.  So, while we don’t often consider our difficulties as beautiful, they do have a purpose, though it’s difficult to discern during a storm.  The beauty is that we can trust God to carry us through whatever our struggles. 

The only certainty as we move through our lives, is that we can’t escape suffering.  I’ve seen firsthand that in during those difficult times, we find glimpses of light shining through the darkness.  It’s then, in finding purpose and connection during uncertainty and pain that our grief and joy will hold hands, leading us forward.