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Today's Family Magazine

An unexpected way to free yourself from the busyness trap

By Rebecca Fellenbaum

“It was busy.”  “I’m so busy.”  “I can’t believe how busy we’ve been.”  How often have you answered with “busy” when a friend asks about your weekend, your neighbor asks about your summer, or your husband asks about your day? 

Sometimes we say “busy” to summarize that we did things without going into the details.  However, in our society where productivity is rewarded and getting things done equals purpose, being busy can be a badge of honor. 

Some of our busyness is built into our lives from our jobs, kids, homes, pets, extended families, and wider communities.  We have meetings on our calendars, our phones constantly notify us of messages and calls, and we have many obligations that keep our lives full. 

If we aren’t true to ourselves about it, some of us may use busyness as a distraction to keep from slowing down and living with a greater sense of ease.  As a life coach, I see this pattern play out with my clients. T hey fill their days to the brim because they believe busy equals important.  They overcommit, overschedule, and don’t delegate enough at work and home.  This leads to overwhelm and burnout.  They are also afraid if they slow down, they will be forced to face the things they are avoiding, perhaps a tough conversation, strained relationship, grief, or dissatisfaction in an area of their life.

By stopping the busyness cycle and slowing down, we are left with ourselves, in the moment, and that can be uncomfortable.  Ask yourself: what am I avoiding by keeping myself busy?  Am I enjoying my packed schedule, or do I feel overwhelmed by it?  What am I missing out on by not slowing down?  What would it feel like to approach my life from a place of ease and presence, rather than constant motion?

How do you feel when you are too busy?  For me, being too busy feels like a rush of blood to my head and a flurry of activity in my stomach.  I take shallow breaths, react quickly, and miss the moment completely. 

If you are curious about unlearning chaotic busyness, here are some ways to combat the busy mentality:

  • Notice how you feel when you are busy
  • Become aware of how often you fill your day with tasks that keep you busy
  • Pause
  • Take a deep breath
  • Feel your feet on the floor 
  • Scan your environment to return to the present moment
  • Ask yourself, what do I need at this moment?

Claiming ease and releasing the busyness mindset is where the work begins.  It starts with setting clear boundaries, saying no when we need to, and making time for the things that nourish our souls.  It also means slowing down and doing less with greater appreciation.  Instead of packing the whole family up for a full day at the beach, what about a quiet morning and a picnic in the backyard?  What fun activity feels stressful but can be made simple and still tick the same memory-making box?

By approaching our lives from a place of ease and presence, we open ourselves up to a deeper level of fulfillment and joy.  We become more attuned to our own needs and desires, and we are better able to show up fully for the people and tasks that matter most.  And in the end, isn't that what we all want – to feel truly connected to ourselves and our lives, rather than constantly on the move?

So as you navigate the back-to-school season, I encourage you to keep this in mind.  Slow down, breathe, and remember that you don't have to be busy to be a good parent.  Try slowing down with your kids as they face a new school year.  The more you can cultivate a sense of ease and presence, the more you'll be able to show up as your best self – for your family, your community, and, most importantly, for you.

 Rebecca Fellenbaum is a certified life coach, blogger, and Cleveland area mom who helps parents enjoy this time in their lives.  You can find her at rebeccafellenbaum.com.