By Celina Colombo, Esq.

When I think of the first day of school, I remember myself at 9 years old, opening my sleepy eyes to a video camera my mom could barely hold in one hand, and her smiling, “Celina, wake up!  It’s your first day of fourth grade!”  I wasn’t as tired as I would be the rest of the mornings to come.  How could I be tired when there was so much to be excited about? 

While my mom curled my hair, my dad put on his work boots and waited for me so we could all take a picture together before they waved me onto the bus.  I was happy, curious, and excited for a new beginning.  I didn’t have a care in the world. 

Almost 30 years later, as a family law attorney, the first day of school means something very different to me.  It means my phone will be ringing, and while the business owner in me has grown to appreciate that reality, it breaks my heart to think about all the children whose first day of school isn’t so simple. 

I think about the child who leaves for school from one house and has no idea which house he is going home to, about the child who doesn’t understand why both parents can’t see her off to school, and the child who starts the year at a new school because that’s what the court decided was best.

The first day of school is overwhelming for any child, but the beginning of a new school year is uniquely challenging for children with two households. 

I had the opportunity to sit down with someone with first-hand knowledge of those challenges, Eastlake North High School Principal Eric Frei, and he offered some great advice for co-parents to help ease the transition.  Principal Frei’s advice was simple: communication. 

Frei wants parents to understand that they have equal rights to records/information concerning their child’s education, unless explicitly restricted by court order, so parents have every right to be their own advocate when it comes to school involvement.

He described how common it is for parents to assume, without confirmation, that teachers have their contact information, and as a result, one parent is often left in the dark as to information necessary to facilitate their child’s academic success.

“Parents are encouraged to register and sign themselves up for all school communication, whether it be regular newsletters, text alerts, apps, and/or email groups,” explained the principal.  He then went on to stress how critical it is that parents read this information daily. 

While it’s important for parents to communicate with the school, Frei warned how hard it is for “school staff to effectively communicate with co-parents when they aren’t effectively communicating with each other.”

Something as simple as a shared calendar with the parenting schedule, that also identifies activities/school events, goes a long way to minimize confusion.  Going a step further, co-parents who can determine common educational goals for children, as well as consistent evening routines, are providing their children with the foundation necessary to thrive academically.

Going into a new school year brings big changes, and any lack of stability at home will amplify the complexity of the situation.  “No matter how difficult it may seem at the time, co-parents need to put their differences aside for the sake of their kids when it comes to school,” Frei emphasized.

“Your child will inevitably encounter struggles during the school year – this is natural, good, and a normal part of growing up.”  However, he cautioned, “When the adults in a child’s life aren’t on the same page, this can add a level of anxiety that doesn’t need to exist.”

If you can find a way to present a united front with regard to your child’s education, and demonstrate to the child that they come first, through communication, consistency, and cooperation, you will allow your child the freedom and security to focus on being the best student he or she can be.