Living Well – Today's Family Advice Column
About Living Well: We welcome your questions about parenting, mindfulness, wellness, and everyday life. Rebecca will share tools, tips, and heartfelt advice to help you feel understood, supported, and inspired to truly enjoy this stage of life with your kids and family. If you’re wondering about it, chances are another parent is too — so don’t be shy! Let’s talk about it... and start Living Well. Submit your question here for consideration for future columns.
Balancing support
Dear Rebecca: My daughter has a new interest, and I want to support her without overdoing it. I’m excited for her, but also worry about pushing too hard or turning it into something stressful. How can I encourage her while keeping it fun?
— Lizzy, Painesville
Dear Lizzy: Awesome awareness, and congratulations on your daughter’s new interest. I sense both your excitement and hesitation. You’re definitely not alone—this is something so many parents wrestle with.
You say you’re worried about “overdoing it” or “turning it into something stressful.” That tells me something is coming up for you, and it isn’t just about your child’s interest.
Where does your worry come from? Is this triggering something that’s happened before, either when you were a kid or as a parent?
Often when we feel tension, it’s because we’re telling ourselves a story. The story is usually based on assumptions or past experiences.
Instead, stick to what’s true right now.
Here are the facts you’ve outlined: Your child is interested in something new. That’s it.
When you look at that simple fact, without attaching a story, what you do next becomes much clearer.
That’s also where the opportunity for you to do some exploratory work begins. That might look like:
You don’t have to make this into anything bigger than it is.
Sometimes, the most supportive thing we can do is allow our kids to pursue their interests in their own way.
Trust that your awareness, the very thing you’re showing here, is what will guide you. Our kids sure don’t come with a manual, and that makes it fun!
Everything’s fine… so why do I feel stuck?
Dear Rebecca: Dare I say, life feels pretty stable right now, and my kids are in a good place. I’ve been thinking about doing something for myself, but I keep putting it off. It feels easier to stay in my routine. How do I take that first step?
— Mary, Highland Hts.
Dear Mary: Great question! This comes up a lot, especially when life finally slows down a bit. I am going to frame this from the perspective that the answers are within you!
When we have an internal conflict, it is hard to know what to do next without first understanding what’s going on within ourselves. This exercise will help you weigh the options, and hopefully you’ll gain clarity on your next right step.
Let’s go through your thought process like a slide show. First, sit in the first scene of life being stable and kids in a good place. How does that feel? You can close your eyes for a moment and internally scan from head to toe to really tap into what comes up for you when you’re in this moment.
Then, move to the second scene: thinking about doing something for yourself. Where does that desire come from? What feelings come up that encourage you? What parts of you are putting it off? If you can sit quietly and ask these questions, answers may arise. You can journal these if that’s helpful.
For your final scene, I want you to play out two options. First, imagine the slide show where you stay in your routine. How does that feel? What are you doing? What is lacking, or feels good about this scenario? Then, play out the scene where you do something for yourself. How does that feel? What are you doing? What is scary or great about that scene?
Which final scene feels most aligned? Which one feels open and warm and expansive, and which feels more closed?
In my work, I talk about our next right step lighting on our own unique illuminated path. When you think about doing something for yourself, you don’t need to know what that looks like 10 steps from now. You just need to look for the next step to light up. Once you’re clear internally which direction you want to go, set your intention there and then pay attention. I am confident your next move will become clear.
Please let me know how it goes!
Rebecca Fellenbaum is a certified life coach, writer, and Cleveland area mom who helps parents enjoy this time in their lives. You can find her at rebeccafellenbaum.com.
Balancing support
Dear Rebecca: My daughter has a new interest, and I want to support her without overdoing it. I’m excited for her, but also worry about pushing too hard or turning it into something stressful. How can I encourage her while keeping it fun?
— Lizzy, Painesville
Dear Lizzy: Awesome awareness, and congratulations on your daughter’s new interest. I sense both your excitement and hesitation. You’re definitely not alone—this is something so many parents wrestle with.
You say you’re worried about “overdoing it” or “turning it into something stressful.” That tells me something is coming up for you, and it isn’t just about your child’s interest.
Where does your worry come from? Is this triggering something that’s happened before, either when you were a kid or as a parent?
Often when we feel tension, it’s because we’re telling ourselves a story. The story is usually based on assumptions or past experiences.
Instead, stick to what’s true right now.
Here are the facts you’ve outlined: Your child is interested in something new. That’s it.
When you look at that simple fact, without attaching a story, what you do next becomes much clearer.
That’s also where the opportunity for you to do some exploratory work begins. That might look like:
- Noticing your excitement and any emotions that immediately follow it
- Letting your child forge the path of her new interest, even if it’s slower or less structured than you think it should be
- Checking in with her, instead of assuming what she needs
You don’t have to make this into anything bigger than it is.
Sometimes, the most supportive thing we can do is allow our kids to pursue their interests in their own way.
Trust that your awareness, the very thing you’re showing here, is what will guide you. Our kids sure don’t come with a manual, and that makes it fun!
Everything’s fine… so why do I feel stuck?
Dear Rebecca: Dare I say, life feels pretty stable right now, and my kids are in a good place. I’ve been thinking about doing something for myself, but I keep putting it off. It feels easier to stay in my routine. How do I take that first step?
— Mary, Highland Hts.
Dear Mary: Great question! This comes up a lot, especially when life finally slows down a bit. I am going to frame this from the perspective that the answers are within you!
When we have an internal conflict, it is hard to know what to do next without first understanding what’s going on within ourselves. This exercise will help you weigh the options, and hopefully you’ll gain clarity on your next right step.
Let’s go through your thought process like a slide show. First, sit in the first scene of life being stable and kids in a good place. How does that feel? You can close your eyes for a moment and internally scan from head to toe to really tap into what comes up for you when you’re in this moment.
Then, move to the second scene: thinking about doing something for yourself. Where does that desire come from? What feelings come up that encourage you? What parts of you are putting it off? If you can sit quietly and ask these questions, answers may arise. You can journal these if that’s helpful.
For your final scene, I want you to play out two options. First, imagine the slide show where you stay in your routine. How does that feel? What are you doing? What is lacking, or feels good about this scenario? Then, play out the scene where you do something for yourself. How does that feel? What are you doing? What is scary or great about that scene?
Which final scene feels most aligned? Which one feels open and warm and expansive, and which feels more closed?
In my work, I talk about our next right step lighting on our own unique illuminated path. When you think about doing something for yourself, you don’t need to know what that looks like 10 steps from now. You just need to look for the next step to light up. Once you’re clear internally which direction you want to go, set your intention there and then pay attention. I am confident your next move will become clear.
Please let me know how it goes!
Rebecca Fellenbaum is a certified life coach, writer, and Cleveland area mom who helps parents enjoy this time in their lives. You can find her at rebeccafellenbaum.com.