Summer Pressure Is Real

To move away from that terrible feeling, let’s also look at this from a both/and perspective: you love your kids, and you love the structure of the school year. Both can be true.

Next, let’s look at your truth: summer feels overwhelming. By stripping away the story and shame around the overwhelm, you can address it head-on. What are some ways you can feel less overwhelmed?

You mentioned that you like structure. I’d encourage you to explore whether there are pieces of the school-year structure you can carry into summer. I print physical calendars for June, July, and August and put them on the fridge for everyone to see. I write in camps, vacations, and activities so we all know what’s coming. In doing that, you may find there’s more structure already built into your summer than you initially thought.

I also want to gently challenge your feeling of being “behind.” Behind whom? You said it seems like other families plan magical summers. Do you really know if that’s true?

Here’s a radical idea: declare it! You say you want to get excited about summer. Get excited! Start with one thing that excites you. Ask everyone in your family to share a couple of things they’re excited about this summer. While it’s not a good idea to bypass your challenges, declaring you’re excited for summer goes a long way toward making that your reality.

You mentioned feeling hurt, embarrassed, and pulled into comparison. Let’s unpack those.

The hurt makes sense. When our children are disappointed, we feel it too. We love them and want the best for them. It might help to talk to your son about his experience. Ask him, “How do you feel about not making the team?” Listening to him may help both of you process the hurt. You might be surprised by the perspective he already has on this. Our kids can be our greatest teachers.

Next, let’s look at your embarrassment. Are you embarrassed for your son, yourself, or both? Have you attached a story to him not making the team? Does a part of you believe this means he’s behind, excluded, or not good enough? Does it bring up feelings or memories from your own childhood?

This is where comparison can take over. Comparison is rooted in scarcity. It tells us there is only so much success, belonging, opportunity, or happiness to go around. That’s when your mind starts scanning: Who made it? What does it mean?

Your son not making this team does not define him or you.

I know it can sound simplistic to say “everything happens for a reason,” especially in painful moments. But sometimes life redirects us toward something we didn’t know would be better. Maybe this opens the door to another interest, another team, new friendships, more family time, or even resilience that you and your son are ready to develop.

When we have big feelings that are hard to process, we need to lean on people. When I face disappointment, I often call a friend and say, “Can you just listen to me talk this through?” Being heard is really helpful. Is there someone you can talk to?

Disappointment is part of life. Your ability to name these feelings and reach out demonstrates what a thoughtful mom you are, and I know you can not only get through this but also grow through this. I’m cheering you on!

Rebecca Fellenbaum is a certified life coach, writer, and Cleveland area mom who helps parents enjoy this time in their lives. You can find her at rebeccafellenbaum.com.